At 21.02.2025 the trial against Maja T. at the Hungarian court in Budapest started. They offered Maja a so called “Deal”: 14 years of custody in exchange to confession of guilt. Maja refused this offer. Instead they read out a the following declaration:
Yes, i want to say something! I want to speak to you, who represent the Hungarian state and its civilians. To you, who you are to judge me in this states name.
But also i want to speak to all the people, who want to listen to me. I am not standing here alone today, what fills my heart with deep gratitude. Also i am not the only defendant in this case, there is a depressing continuity in repression. But what i am reading out today speaks only for me. Everything else seemed to be presumptuous to me.
But one thing can be said for sure: I would not be standing here if i didn’t knew about all the burning hearts full of solidarity.
So I am standing here in chains, I am on trial in a state for that I am not existing as a non binary person, for that I am not existing as Maja. I am on trial in a state, that is openly discriminating and excluding people because of their sexuality or their gender. I am accused by an European state because I am antifascist. Despite all of this i decided to speak. I am standing here today, after I was kidnapped and extradited in a lawbreaking act 8 months ago. The state that made all this possible is the same state, that’s constitution promised to respect and protect my person and my dignity and that’s executive organs disregarded the decision of the allegedly highest German court, knowing that their behavior was illegal and knowing about the threats expecting me here. They brought me to a country, who’s confessions about human rights and democratic principles fade even on the paper, where people who dare to defend self-determination of all the people become or dare to say “never again!” become detained in their prisons.
I am very aware that I am standing here today because my birth held a promise from which I grew: The promise to be a human being. It had never been growing alone, never fully free, privileged yet full of suffering, always seeking for how to accomplish, that the one thing never happens again, what no devil ever could achieve. Only humans were and are capable of doing so, still and again creating totalitarian, oppressing states, driven by hatred and grudge, trying to escape the imperfection. Humans created the Shoah and more cruelties than the sky counts stars, although never losing hope in a peaceful morning.
The prosecution accusing me recognizes hatred in my burning heart, while they intend protect those who glorify the murderers and crimes of the holocaust. So it’s crucial to point out that the prosecution claims that I physically attacked people, that came to this city two years ago to take part of the so called “day of honor”. At this day there happen demonstrations, hikes, concerts, that serve as international gatherings for right-wing extremists, legitimized and protected by state actors. The people gathering there proudly and full adoration for those who’s paths they choose to tread: German and Hungarian fascists who tried to escape their responsibility as murderers. They celebrate at concerts from deeply racist and antisemitic bands, calling for hate and violence. So money flows to the bags of right-wing terrorist networks like “blood and honor”.
And so today we gathered here to prepare a court case in that I am already condemned, in which remand in custody already is means my punishment, since I am confronted with conditions that stand in contradiction to what the Hungarian state has assured. Neither the “European prison rules” nor the “Nelson Mandela rules” of the united nations are respected.
I live in ongoing solitary confinement, what means less then 30 minutes of contact with other people per day – for over 200 days. I am not allowed to study or to work, I don’t get books nor vitamin supplements that I need, they deny visits to the medical staff, I am lacking healthy food and daylight. I got extradited to a prison that imposes humiliating and degrading security measures for which there is still missing any justification or explanation. If you as them you they remain silent, and so i was forced to wear handcuffs while official visits in my cell or even during skype-calls. In the meantime I have been forced to take off my cloths and stand completely naked in front of a dozen of people. I didn’t dare to change my cloths inside my cell feeling so ashamed cause a camera had been hanging there illegally for 3 months. What remains till today are bed bugs, cockroaches and the hourly cell controls with bright light also during the night what deprives me of sleep. Sleep, in which I dream of finally holding my family in my arms, people at whose side I was not allowed to grieve and whom I’m only allowed to see behind plexiglass panes for two hours a month. I am standing here today already carrying physical and mental damage with me. My eyesight is fading and my body feels exhausted while custody forces me to soliloquy, by banning me from contact to other prisoners, justifying this with my queer identity. It’s only about punishing me, about breaking me and me being alive. Responsible for this is not only the Hungarian justice system, but also every court that prolonged the investigation custody. Lately the extended it up to the coming 2,5 years or until the end of the court case.
There are reasons why I am sitting here alone in the dock. The Hungarian justice system lost any credibility, this is why other European courts deny cooperation. And this is right! Also this trial against me should have taken place in Germany, together with all the others defendants there, where I could have prepared and defended myself. I expect this finally to end, that I will be able to prepare for a court case on an equal footing and not deprived of any opportunity for self-development. I expect that I will no longer be punished with inhumane solitary confinement, which already left long-term damage in my body. Not only the conditions of custody itself represent a punishment that is to be condemned, but also the fact that there is objectively not existing any risk of escape or repetition. I was never informed of the arrest warrant issued by the German or Hungarian authorities a month before my arrest, nor did I ever say that I wanted to evade any proceedings.
I want to emphasize that I’m supposed to defend myself against alleged evidence that I was not allowed to see. Until today I was not allowed to see all the accusation files, and the main part of the documents i got was not translated. I was supposed to prepare myself while my lawyers where rejected at the prison gate. On top of everything these lawyers where not allowed to show me all the documents the got and now you expect me to comment on an indictment that largely consists of hypotheses?! There can not be found a single word that outlines my life or my personality. Instead there is the claim that I was part of a criminal association, but no justification on which this assumption is based. Do you seriously expect me to make hese allegations my own, confess them and then let myself be locked behind bars for the period of my youth that has just passed?! For 14 years in the strictest prison, without the possibility of parole, just to spare them the embarrassment of having their fragile sentences collapse for lack of credibility.
Honored court, please be honest with me and all of us. You hope the isolation will break me and forced a verdict without a trial.
I have to state that I am in custody now for 14 months. On 11. December 2023 I got ripped away of my old life, torn away from my family, deprive of the opportunity to study, to work, to participate in a society and to contribute something to it. Deprived of necessity to develop myself as a human being and to realize my life draft. I was robbed of all this with the aim of tearing me apart as a political person. But I still have the words that I write and speak, and I will not stop doing this as long as I am and think.
I also wrote an indictment. I wrote what I experienced during the last year. This helped me to endure the wounds, and a part of the indictment I want to present today. I will remain in silence about the nightmarish details, cause today is about more than only me. It’s about the question what kind of society we want to live in and if we accept state’s actions if they stand in contrary to our moral values. Neither I call this country my home, nor did I manage to learn its language. But I do know what it does to its citizens, I heard about how this state treads the people who are defenselessly at its mercy. Yes, I heard people screaming while getting beaten up in their cells, I heard people whimpering and crying inside this walls, and I heard anger and despair, that loses all human melody over time. I saw frightened glances and heard despising words, growing in a system where people try to break each other through domination and punishment. I saw prisons in Germany and Hungary and will state, that these systems deprive people of their dignity, no matter if the watch or if they’re being watched. I don’t dare to judge the people that I met here, but what I know is that society is failing here.
I won’t deny that there these moments exist, these moments, when I sit at the desk in my cell and it seems to be impossible to keep the world’s beauty in myself but my mind merely follows the suffering of fellow prisoners, interrupted by the throbbing of my own wounds.
My mind flees from the feeling of impotence, lost in powerlessness, ripped away from my body, ripped away from the yesterday or the tomorrow. In these moments I can only see what seems to be unreachable for now, but from what germinates being human. The legacy of seeking common ground with each other without judging people for their nature, their bodies and their abilities, of trying to create something valuable together without exploiting and oppressing, of being able to forgive each other for failures without remaining silent and, finally, of admiring how trust for a coming, peaceful tomorrow germinates from all this.
But the tears of pain dry, at the latest when I read your letters, when the newspaper tells me about the world and I learn that our utopias are reaching the people. People who are not abandoned by self-evident and moral values, who are ready to defend and create them, who are not able to look away where others commit atrocities, who seek human imperfection, which neither paralyzes nor embitters, but instead lives in the attempt of creativity and solidarity, seeking a way out of the violence driven by power, greed and complacency. I admire every person who tries to grasp the complexity of our world and takes action where it seems humanly possible.
I want to share my path with those who have doubts, without trading their moral and tenderness in deceptive promises of individual luck. I admire all those who try to understand humanity as one and accomplish it without losing sight of the uniqueness of each person, which has germinated from what they have experienced. It is not a perfect being – no, we fail, we can escape neither ourselves nor the world. But we are able to act, we can learn to trust each other and ourselves, we are able to grow beyond ourselves when we try to understand, comprehend and decide from the impulse of humanity, we are able to help where there is a fire, where there is a lack of protection and people are fleeing, we can share and stay where the pain and suffering is greater, always knowing that we are not alone.
These days I can’t prevent my eyes from falling shut in fatigue and tiredness. But even with my eyelids closed, I can’t escape the fact that wars, hunger, environmental destruction and unfair distribution continue to create painful realities. There is still an imperial war ranging in the middle of Europe and it’s almost impossible to ignore the fact that fascism and its followers are once again gaining power, whether on a supposedly distant continent or in the neighboring garden. Totalitarian yearnings and authoritarian entanglements in our societies, exclusion and isolation are experiencing a renaissance. I wonder what will happen if everyone just saves themselves? Is this how we escape collective powerlessness? Where will fear and despair drive us? I myself have experienced how fear paralyzed my body and mind, how it made me loose hope and turn away from life. But then I saw a delicate plant sprouting in a place where no sunshine has fallen for months, knowing that winter would be over soon. And then, I had to admit to myself that – no matter how hellish this place is on earth – flowers can grow there, whether in cracks of the wall or in my very self being. It doesn’t take much, but the trust that courage and confidence create great things from small things, because from them springs resilience against waiting for better days, in which we experience that our every action determines what branches out in our front garden and blooms on the coming spring days. Often I don’t know how, all I know is that we need to dare and if we are honest we know it is possible by meeting strangers like ourselves.
Today I see some of your faces, have read about dreams, have been able to share some time, feel solidarity, admire and envy you as you stand up for a humanity that resists, overcomes rusty boundaries of cold iron in word and thought and unfolds in queer, loving being, in feminist self-empowerment of boundless humanity and all the liberating struggles for justice among all people.
Now my words will soon come to an end for today, if necessary I will disagree, especially if people continue to put me in chains, lock me up and try to break my dignity. Because yeah, today it is still about the question of a constitutional procedure, about the question of how it is allowed that I am exposed to these conditions of detention and that attempts are made to punish me in this humiliating and hurtful way. However, it is not in my hands to change this. German authorities have extradited me and disregarded their highest court, Hungary is breaking assurances and European law, once again showing how it is moving away from supposedly “democratic values”. All that remains for me to do is to report on this, to object and to appeal to everyone to do the same. I know that experiencing all this is not mine alone and so I hope my words also reach all those who stand up against right-wing extremism, fascism, patriarchy, exploitation of nature and people, against structural and racist violence and repression, who create alternatives and stand up for emancipation, queer existence and a dignified life for all. I want them all to know that I am with them in thought and word, may they soon be free.
My last words belong to my family, friends, companions, lawyers and all those people who strongly stand by our side. You show me: utopias of a better world are not so far away, you fill me with vitality, keep my beating heart safe and help me to hold on to the knowledge in me again and again that I will not perish here. I know that gratitude makes me fight to give it back to you one day. I love you.
And to everyone else, I would like to express my sincere gratitude for taking the time to listen to my words!